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IN MEMORY OF MY SON 'DEREK SEAN DYSON'
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OUR TRIP TO SASKATOON Nov. 29th, 2002 -DEREK'S 20TH
AERIAL TOUR - SEPT. 28, 2002
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Celebration of Life - Pamphlet
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2003 / 2004
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** Derek's Angel Friends** 
Links to other 'In Memory of...' sites'

Tyler Ryan Mackenzie
Remembering 'TYLER'
Nov 10, 1980 - Dec 8, 1994

REECE MARSHALL
Remembering 'REECE'
Feb. 21,1985 - March 21, 2002

03/21/02 REMEMBERING 4

LUCAS CHRISTOPHER ROSS
Remembering 'LUKE'
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001

 

UNLESS YOU'VE LOST A CHILD

Don't ask us if we are over it yet. We'll never be over it. A part of us died with our child.

Don't tell us they are in a better place. They are not here with us where they belong.

Don't say at least they are not suffering. We haven't come to terms with why they suffered at all.

Don't tell us at least we have other children. Which of your children would you have sacrificed?

Don't ask us if we feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.

Don't force your beliefs on us. Not all of us have the same faith.

Don't tell us at least we had our child for so many years. What year would you choose for your child to die?

Don't tell us God never gives us more than we can bear. Right now we don't feel we can handle anything else.

Don't avoid us. We don't have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain.Don't tell us you know how we feel, unless you have lost a child. No other loss can compare to losing a child. It's not the natural order of things. Don't take our anger personally. We don't know who we are angry at or why and lash out at those closest to us.

Don't whisper behind us when we enter a room. We are in pain, but not deaf.
Don't stop calling us after the initial loss. Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are thinking of us.

Don't be offended when we don't return calls right away. We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others.

Don't tell us to get on with our lives. We each grieve differently and in our own time frame. Grief can not be governed by any clock or calendar.
Do say you are sorry. We're sorry, too, and you saying that you share our sorrow is far better than saying any of those tired cliches you don't really mean anyway. Just say you're sorry.

Do put your arms around us and hold us. We need your strength to get us through each day.Do say you remember our child, if you do. Memories are all we have left and we cherish them.

Do let us talk about our child. Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever.

Do mention our child's name. It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings.

Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process. Cry with us if you want to.

Do remember us on special dates. Our child's birth date, death date and holidays are a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child.

Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our child. We do.

Do show our family that you care. Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain.

Do be thankful for children. Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain.

~ Original version was written by Mary Cleckley, Atlanta, GA ~
~ Revised by Wendy Lockman ~

 

Here are some links to sites I have enjoyed or found helpful to me !?!????

Silent Grief

Gentle Wisdom - My Parents are Survivors

Understanding the Grief Process

Grieving Within - Do's & Don'ts for Family & Friends

How To Help When A Child Dies

Letter from Bereaved Sibling to Ann Landers
 
The following is a response sent to Ann Landers by Dawn Morville Johnson, sibling representative on the TCF National Board of Directors.

Dear Ann Landers:

As a bereaved sibling, I was disappointed in your response to "Anonymous in Raleigh, N.C.," who asked whether it would be appropriate to send her parents a card on the anniversary of her brother's death. You advised her not to send a card, but to take her parents to dinner "with no mention of the sad anniversary."

Bereaved parents will tell you that the one thing they want to do is talk about their child. Ignoring the anniversary of a child's death is the same as ignoring the child's birthday: it makes bereaved parents feel as though their child did not exist. Many bereaved parents have told me that their surviving children will not talk about their brother or sister who has died. Often this is because they are afraid of upsetting their parents. However, bereaved parents yearn to hear their children mention the dead child's name.
"Anonymous"
should be encouraged in her efforts to remember the anniversary of her brother's death by sending a card to her parents.

On the anniversary of my brother's death, I send a special card to my parents to tell them that I am thinking about them and remembering my brother. We open our hearts to each other and share our memories of him and how much we miss him. We also put flowers on his grave that day and have flowers on the church altar in his memory on the Sunday closest to the anniversary of his death. In other words, the day is not like any other day, so I don't treat it as such.
My life and my parents' lives changed forever the day he died. Making no mention of it would only be another tragedy.

~lovingly lifted from TCF Southern OR Online Newsletter

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p_dyson@telus.net

stephie_d69@hotmail.com

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